Kim Seung-jong's Literary Miscellany (168) "I Cried Once and Only Once in My Entire Life"
After retirement, when acquaintances ask what I am doing these days, I hesitate and say I work for the
It was in my youth.
Crossing the Gulrajae Pass in Manchuria
The day a bullet struck my head.
We were independence army cadets.
They mistook me, short and with a crew cut,
For a Japanese informant
While they knelt and prayed,
I too prayed. That before me undergoing surgery without anesthesia,
They would first pray for the hand holding the knife.
Was his name Kim Dong-sam? Yes, that was it.
I saw his hand trembling constantly.
It was like the eyes of a white ox backing away.
After the surgery was over, he cried out softly.
A living Buddha! But from then on
I had to live my entire life with a head that shook.
The day he died at Seodaemun Prison
We carried him over the Bukjeong Pass
And held his funeral in my room.
I cried once and only once in my entire life, then.
He was fifty-nine, I was fifty-eight.
It was eight years before liberation.
Now that I think of it,
He who lived longer after death
Was truly a living Buddha.
Whenever my head trembles,
I miss the Manchurian sunlight
He etched into my head, stitch by stitch.
Back then, being young,
We could endure the world even without anesthesia.
Every single day was a living Buddha. Those days we were.
- "The Gulrajae Living Buddha Incident—Verses by Manhae"/Go Du-hyeon
To better appreciate this poem, it is necessary to understand the details of the encounter between these two figures and the circumstances of the Gulrajae incident. Manhae recounted in 1927 in "A Tale of Death and Resurrection—Shot by a Youth's Bullet in the Manchurian Mountains" (Byulgeon-gon, Issue 8) but did not record concrete facts and military circumstances. This was not because his memory was hazy, but clearly because he was concerned that the Japanese authorities might discover details related to Sinheung Military Academy.
In the autumn of 1912, the 33-year-old Manhae traveled throughout Manchuria and sought out Sinheung School located in Hanniha, Yuha County, Jilin Province. He met the operators including Lee Hoe-yeong and Kim Dong-sam, as well as students, stayed one night discussing the independence of the motherland, and the next day was shot at the Gulrajae Pass leading to Tonghua County by Sinheung School students Kim Dong-seok and Kim Myeong-yun who followed behind. The night before, Manhae had argued: "Japan, having won the Russo-Japanese War and the Russo-Japanese War and become the hegemon of the East... to train a small number of youth and fight with arms against the Japanese invaders to seize independence is admirable in spirit, but it is like a mantis trying to stop a chariot... it would be more effective for us, living or dying, to enter among the masses of our compatriots at home, share their joys and sorrows with them, and spiritually promote independence ideals" (Yi Yong-jo [member of Manktang in 1930], "Paying Respects at the Tomb of Great Master Manhae," Buddhism, New Year's Issue, January 1948). Following the March 1910 decision of the Sinmin Society—that given the suppression and arrests by the Japanese authorities, anti-Japanese activities could no longer be conducted domestically, and that while maintaining domestic patriotic enlightenment activities, it was necessary to establish an independence base in Manchuria, train independence forces, and launch attacks on the homeland—the students undergoing training in that foreign land, enduring hardships, viewed this wandering monk who made such arguments suspiciously as a Japanese informant engaged in sowing discord and acted accordingly. Eventually, to the two apologetic students at the hospital, he said: "Since you have had the courage to fire at someone like me as a Japanese spy, I believe there is no problem with our future independence. In this regard, I would be satisfied even if I died" (ibid.). From this bearing, we glimpse in advance the earnest and resolute unwavering will and spirit expressed later in Manhae's works such as "The Silence of the Beloved" (1926), and it seems he inwardly acknowledged that his arguments might also cause misunderstanding among the students.
Manhae, who barely survived the head shot and fled to a Chinese village, sent word to Ilsong, who had impressed him the previous night by suggesting "the time for major monk-soldiers of all eight provinces of Choson to rise up, taking as a mirror the monk-soldiers of Imran (1592-1598)," and under Ilsong's arrangement underwent surgery at Tonghua Red Cross Hospital and recovered his strength. (Kang Seok-ju [disciple from the Seonhak Won period, former Chief of Staff of the Jogye Order], "Stories to Leave Behind; A Hundred Years of Modern Korean Buddhism; Han Yong-un," Joongang Ilbo, August 30, 1979.)
In lines 3 of stanza 3 and stanzas 4 and 5 of the above poem, the doctor performing "surgery without anesthesia" is said to be "Kim Dong-sam," but in reality it was "Kim Pil-soon [1878-1919, Medal of Honor for Independence activist, graduate of Severance Medical School, Korea's first licensed physician, member of Sinmin Society, Manchurian exile, uncle of Kim Maria, brother-in-law of Kim Kyu-sik]." The poet surely could not have been unaware of this fact, yet chose to do so likely to maintain the focus on highlighting the two protagonists of this poem, Manhae and Ilsong—an example of attempted "poetic license." Additionally, since this surgery was ultimately made possible through Ilsong's arrangement, the poet apparently judged it could be written this way. The emotional state of Ilsong at the time, burdened by responsibility for the unexpected student incident, can be estimated to be like his hand "trembling constantly," and his flustered worried gaze like "the eyes of a white ox backing away."
This assumption, as seen in stanzas 6 and 7 of this poem, has as its background the scene from "Ilsong's Funeral Service [April 18, 1937]" held at Simwoojang, where Manhae wept "with loud voice and pain," mentioning the nation's "time of crisis."
Ilsong, serving as chairman of the Central Executive Committee of the Anti-Japanese Alliance of Koreans in Manchuria (1928), chairman of the North-South Manchurian Korean Allied Alliance (1929), chairman of the Korean-Manchurian Cooperative Conference (1929), and chairman of the Central Executive Committee of the Anti-Imperialist Alliance of Koreans in Manchuria (1930), was arrested in Harbin in October 1931 and died in Gyeongseong Prison on April 13, 1937. His second son Kim Yong-mook and cooperating school disciples Yu Ju-hui [later secretary to Kim Chang-suk], Jung Hyun-mo [later Andong Eulgu Constituent Member], Yi Won-hyeok [later Vice President of Seoul Shinmun], and others received the corpse on the 14th and set up a temporary funeral parlor at the Gyeongil Inn (京一旅館) in Insa-dong, with plans to transport it to Andong Seonsan on the 15th (Chosun Ilbo, April 15, 1937), but Manhae came and strongly urged that the funeral be held at Simwoojang, so it was decided to hold it there. (Chosun Ilbo, April 17, 1937)
A notable aspect related to the poet's intention is the monologue of the speaker [Manhae] in stanza 8: "Now that I think of it / He who lived longer after death / Was truly a living Buddha." This forms a counterpart to Ilsong's commendation of "A living Buddha!" in stanza 5, where he marveled at Manhae's spirit and will while witnessing him encourage the students and undergo "surgery without anesthesia," thereby well relief-sculpting the mutual respect and affection between the two. Manhae and Ilsong met only once in their entire lives, but they can be called kindred spirits (知己之友) who communicated silently all the more through their devotion to the tragic aspirations and great ambitions for national independence.
Manhae is undoubtedly a major figure in Korean history as a leading actor of the March 1st Movement of 1919, a great poet, and an indomitable independence activist who genuinely combined Buddhist reform with nationalist movements. However, the public knows Ilsong poorly. Kim Seung-hak (1881-1964), who served as president of the Dongnip Sinmun (Independence Newspaper) of the Shanghai Provisional Government in 1921, carrying on the legacy of Park Eun-sik, dedicated himself to the history of the independence movement; served as참의 (Advisor) of the Board of References when the three branches were unified in 1926; endured hardships before and after liberation; and completed his History of the Independence Movement in 1964 before his death, evaluated Ilsong in a manner that accords well with Manhae's eulogy and assessment.
"Commonly, when we speak of the independence movement in Manchuria, we foreground the armed activities of Kim Jwa-jin (1889-1930), Hong Beom-do (1868-1943), Ji Cheong-cheon (1888-1957), Yi Beom-seok (1900-1972), and others, but the activities of Kim Dong-sam, a towering figure in anti-Japanese resistance who combined both civil and military pursuits, tend to be forgotten.
As a leader of the South Manchurian Movement, he participated in the early independence movement from the 1910s; after the Manchurian Incident of September 1931, he was arrested by Japanese police in Harbin and died in Seoul's Mapo Prison in 1937. Throughout the period of national suffering, he not only led numerous independence organizations, but dedicated himself sincerely to the path of martyrdom and struggle more than anyone else, such that his achievements in Korean independence movement history approach true greatness.
Kim Koo (1876-1949), who exiled himself to mainland China early on and fought for national liberation centered on the Shanghai Provisional Government amid hardships and adversities, and Kim Dong-sam, who, based in the forests of South Manchuria, launched bold armed struggle and nationalist movements against Japanese imperialism, both exemplify the symbolic existence of Korean independence activists active in Manchuria, and it is not excessive to say so."(Kim Seung-hak, History of the Independence Movement, 1964. "The Fierce Tiger of South Manchuria, Kim Dong-sam" (Generation, March 1972, p. 203)